i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
