I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
