I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize