I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can you bring me the toilet please
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
