I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
