I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He kissed a someone with a penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
