My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
