woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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