Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize