His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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