My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
