Got a toothbrush?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
