Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
