You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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