I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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