My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
