Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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