sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
