I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
