girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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