I just saw a hot homeless man
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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