i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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