I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
