The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
