I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
