I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We have started to decorate penises.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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