well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
