I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize