I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
