Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
