Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
