I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
