hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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