Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
