why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
