No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
