All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize