Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
