this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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