you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
