so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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