oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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