I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize