The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
