dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
