I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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