I wish I could teleport
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
