I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
