Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
