She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
