I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize