there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
