I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
