I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
