He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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