Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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