So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
