just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
