I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
