foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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