i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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