Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
