I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize