I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry my hands just texted you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
