At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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