my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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