Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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