I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
