GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
