Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
