A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
